AMY LOW

I don’t like it when man’s character goes awry.

This afternoon I tagged along with my colleagues to go makan at NTU. I got into his car and he began to share his life. Lo and behold, this 30 year old male colleague of mine is a father of a child aged 6. What’s more, he smokes everyday. When asked if his children ask him to stop smoking or not, guess what is his reply?

“You don’t care so much. I smoke non of your business. I earn money, you spend, that’s all.”

His reply shocked me through and through. The male colleague I’ve known for 2-3 months is such a person.

True colors shocked.

I have nothing but more negativity.

On the other hand, one brother-in-christ smsed to me today that there are a lot of wonderful and responsible brother in Christ in the kingdom of God. I can only say, I will just keep my fingers cross.

Most people don’t start out like this. I guess. This colleague is 30 years old. Perhaps stress and change of values get over him with time.

Back in school at the night classes, I bumped into the 3 friendly guys I was revising with last term. They are just in their 20s. Without a family, without a car, without a fantastic career, they are just simply living simply. There is such a peace and simple friendship present when I relate with them.

What a huge contrast between these 2 age groups. Is it that with age, and exposure to different people that caused people to change so much?

Perhaps not. Perhaps people need to define their own values. Then, no matter what comes our way, we will always stand firm on our values.

Saw this caption in the papers today – I don’t need a man. I need a Bachelors.

Ironically, it was Charlie Koh who pass the newspaper around. Trust a man to do just that. Tsk tsk.

Seriously, sometimes I wonder why are woman nowadays the one who does everything. What are the man doing? Why are the woman the ones doing all the sacrifices and giving. Why are woman the ones who have to carry the burden of loving and raising the families? Why are woman the ones who rise up to leadership? Why are woman the ones who are always caring for others first? I don’t get it.

Perhaps what my colleague told me is true – Shouldn’t be so soft on guys. Be hard on them.

Perhaps I may be wrong. Perhaps there are good guys around. Open my eyes then.

Meanwhile, I still prefer to remain an independent woman.

Perhaps this article will evoke negative emotions. But for now, I can’t deny the fact that sometimes (many times), it’s easier to do everything ourselves than to depend on man.

Unless I’m proven wrong.

Final analysis – unless man learn to be gentleman and worthy of respect, woman will still continue to do everything herself. Period.

Sometimes the company of girlfriends can be still better. God, I hope you prove me wrong.

Every now and then, you get the feeling that your whole life just flashes past in a blinking of an eye.

Having bumped into my very first primary school friend (in 1991) in MDIS every now and then these days is one thing. Funny how some people’s face never change for 18 years. Funny how some people never seems to age.

And then it’s the catching up with church friends as we talked about life, coming-to-know-Christ conversion story, over-the-years-s’pore-exam-results, changes, etc etc. It’s crazy because life passes so fast.

Suddenly you realized you are faced with many many many insecurities and emotional challenges. You wonder what are they, until you come across this term called the ‘Quarter-life crisis’. Tada! You realized you are normal. You are facing a quarter-life crisis, that’s all.

OMG…. I’m facing quarter-life-crisis…. =S

New Year isn’t something I exactly look forward this year. What if they gonna ask the questions again, ‘how’s your studies?’, ‘did you get good results?’ Thank God no one pop that question. So, this year, it was just a session of catching up, being amused at little nephew, eating eating eating and of course the collecting angbao part.

I was especially delighted to meet and catch up with a Christian cousin whom I especially feel connected to. He is one enthusiastic, warm, friendly fellow who recently got married to his girlfriend. Somehow its more than coincidence that we always met each other, be it we used to work at the same location in Science Park, and I bump into him numerous times outside. He is from New Creation church and is serving as the children’s church teacher. I really think it’s a blessing to have this on-fire Christ follower around among the huge midst of relatives I have.

Besides that, I think it’s cool that my closer relatives are all so easy going, down-to-earth and funny. Makes new year much more endurable.

It’s really a small world when I got to know another relative was working at a job agency which I recently went over for an interview. We chatted a bit about the agency, and I got to know the difficulties she faced at work there as well. It seems everyone faced and have their fair share of stress be it at work or at school. I really hate to admit it, but my stress comes from having too much free time on hand, wanting to do something, but stuck.

Perhaps God has a different plan that He wants me to go. As He has promised to be a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path, this I shall believe. But at the same time, will I obey and will I be willing if He reveals?

I guess I’ve been dwelling a lot in my world of discouragement this week due to the rejections I got from the job interviews. So, the interviewer says I am under qualified to be a secretary. And I am not strategic in my career planning. And I am not selected to be a patient care associate. And I did not get the HR job in the end. And to make things worse, I got scolded and condemned terribly for not returning a call on time which I hesitated because I do not know how to reject politely.

Somehow, I really got a bit depressed. Many times I asked myself, what would it have been had I just remain working in the lab. Maybe I’ll get a very stable job, washing test tubes and preparing agar plates everyday, walking around in white lab coat, looking like a nutty professor. Maybe I’ll always get that ‘wow, you are a laboratory scientist’ impressed look everytime I tell others about my career. But, do people know that a lab technician is a boring job? It is not only technically boring, it is intellectually challenging, and it will make me aged 10 years in a year’s time. From the handful of my Poly school mates who didn’t make it to become Lab Tech today, I guess I really didn’t make a wrong choice. And from the many complains of those who did become Lab Tech today, I am even more sure my choice is right. Anyway, even if I did get into a Lab Tech job today, my pay would have been meager for most of my life as I won’t be able to move up the Laboratory organization ladder as I don’t have the capabilities to go into the detailed study of Life Science, as compared to the Masters and PhD holders of most of the scientists in the field.

Or, did I? Or maybe I could try harder? I don’t know. But I don’t really have the passion to go into the nitty gritty details of the research of Life Science.

I want to go into an exciting world of events coordination, exhibition, or tourism or anything that is more happening than a lab-based job whereby I can predict how my life will turn out 24/7. I know many are condemning my decision. But I cannot be unsure of my decision. Even though the whole world don’t like my decision, I have to like my decision. Because this is my decision.

Fine! I like my decision, and I will still stick to my decision.

May all the negative thoughts flee from me this very moment!