I don’t like it when man’s character goes awry.

This afternoon I tagged along with my colleagues to go makan at NTU. I got into his car and he began to share his life. Lo and behold, this 30 year old male colleague of mine is a father of a child aged 6. What’s more, he smokes everyday. When asked if his children ask him to stop smoking or not, guess what is his reply?

“You don’t care so much. I smoke non of your business. I earn money, you spend, that’s all.”

His reply shocked me through and through. The male colleague I’ve known for 2-3 months is such a person.

True colors shocked.

I have nothing but more negativity.

On the other hand, one brother-in-christ smsed to me today that there are a lot of wonderful and responsible brother in Christ in the kingdom of God. I can only say, I will just keep my fingers cross.

Most people don’t start out like this. I guess. This colleague is 30 years old. Perhaps stress and change of values get over him with time.

Back in school at the night classes, I bumped into the 3 friendly guys I was revising with last term. They are just in their 20s. Without a family, without a car, without a fantastic career, they are just simply living simply. There is such a peace and simple friendship present when I relate with them.

What a huge contrast between these 2 age groups. Is it that with age, and exposure to different people that caused people to change so much?

Perhaps not. Perhaps people need to define their own values. Then, no matter what comes our way, we will always stand firm on our values.

Saw this caption in the papers today – I don’t need a man. I need a Bachelors.

Ironically, it was Charlie Koh who pass the newspaper around. Trust a man to do just that. Tsk tsk.

Seriously, sometimes I wonder why are woman nowadays the one who does everything. What are the man doing? Why are the woman the ones doing all the sacrifices and giving. Why are woman the ones who have to carry the burden of loving and raising the families? Why are woman the ones who rise up to leadership? Why are woman the ones who are always caring for others first? I don’t get it.

Perhaps what my colleague told me is true – Shouldn’t be so soft on guys. Be hard on them.

Perhaps I may be wrong. Perhaps there are good guys around. Open my eyes then.

Meanwhile, I still prefer to remain an independent woman.

Perhaps this article will evoke negative emotions. But for now, I can’t deny the fact that sometimes (many times), it’s easier to do everything ourselves than to depend on man.

Unless I’m proven wrong.

Final analysis – unless man learn to be gentleman and worthy of respect, woman will still continue to do everything herself. Period.

Sometimes the company of girlfriends can be still better. God, I hope you prove me wrong.

After abandoning my wordpress blog to start a blog at multiply.com, I abandon that again to come back to wordpress. Somehow, I still prefer WordPress format. No reasons why. Sometimes people like a certain particular thing and there is no reason why. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I just find wordpress blog nice. Anyway…

It is a songful day.

This morning I hop onto bus 192 to get to work as usual and the news hit me straight in the face that Michael Jackson just got a heart attack and pass away. Somehow, it hits really close to heart. Not because he is close to me, but because I have grown up listening to his famous songs every now and then on air. His biography is ‘worthy’ of mentioned, and it’s amazing what one man can do and his impact and influence in just a few decades. Of course, however, his influence is not exactly very positive ones. It make me realised all the more that I should live to influence positively. We should not just live for our self-gratification (although God did say we are made to enjoy life and to find fulfillment in all our toll). We should live a life that is worthy of mention at the end.

Besides that, I spend a great evening with Sharonish singing and crooning and playing swings on the playground. One star shine down on us today. It was supposedly Sharon’s star, because mine lives in my heart – Jesus Christ.  =)

Every now and then, you get the feeling that your whole life just flashes past in a blinking of an eye.

Having bumped into my very first primary school friend (in 1991) in MDIS every now and then these days is one thing. Funny how some people’s face never change for 18 years. Funny how some people never seems to age.

And then it’s the catching up with church friends as we talked about life, coming-to-know-Christ conversion story, over-the-years-s’pore-exam-results, changes, etc etc. It’s crazy because life passes so fast.

Suddenly you realized you are faced with many many many insecurities and emotional challenges. You wonder what are they, until you come across this term called the ‘Quarter-life crisis’. Tada! You realized you are normal. You are facing a quarter-life crisis, that’s all.

OMG…. I’m facing quarter-life-crisis…. =S

“I know that we can all be friends, I know that this will never end. I know that we can all be friends.” This familiar M1 tone keeps ringing in my mind nowadays.

True, we all need friends for emotional support, to share the joy, to divide the pain. However, what kind of friends do we want to let into our life and what kind of friends would we want to just keep it just status quo and at a distance?

Many a times we tend to slant towards choosing friends based on our personality preferences, ability to click / connect and find common interests. However, these qualities are simply surface, and will never provide true, lasting friendship / relationship.

Recently having to come to grips with a few unpleasant situations that made me realize all the more, the importance of choosing the right kind of friends in my life.

Asking myself an important question – which is better -
a. A fun-loving, popular and exciting friend with values that simply goes opposite to my own.
b. A plain gal who simply blend into the wall, but has a great heart for the truth.

Both are opposites, but for a lasting friendship, I choose B.
If God looks at these 2 people, guess who is God more pleased with?

No doubt God looks at the heart, the inner being.

Lesson learnt: Choose friends based on their character.

One fine day last week, by chance, I got to know this guy Dxxxx and his cousin while working part-time as an exam invigilator with Jenny. They have conveniently seated themselves at our table to talk to us and made themselves comfortable. Dxxxx made quite a first impression I must say, but I have no intention or idea to carry on any serious conversation with him except to talk about general things, and probably have my lunch done asap. I was freaking hungry. Ops….

They left soon, followed by us shortly. But we were stopped again by him as he has turned back to introduce a book to both of us (probably a technique used by him, now that I think of it). Smart guy.
Absolutely nothing to lose, I took the book with intention to just explore this book and the Network Marketing thing he was talking about. I have absolutely no interest in this, but I might as well educate myself on this, I thought. And at least when if reject it, I can reject something I have at least explored. Sounds good.

The book was left on my table to collect dust for a week thereafter…. Ops…

I finally met up with him today. Before he arrived, I briefly go through the book, which is pretty straight-forward and has many analogies. Not convinced and not motivated to go into it, I was almost prepared to return him the book and make a quick exit asap. Well, interestingly, he was unlike any other salesperson who is very aggressive. He is pretty laid back and even wore see-toes saddles! Omg… so I chatted abit with this goodie friendly chap and wait to see what happens.

Alright, as expected, there was a short presentation. It was a good one. It started with the dreams I had, how I can accomplish it (with money of course), a education course on active and passive income, moving on to products they have, success stories of people who made it. And they are really successful in it. I am impressed. Along the way, I raised up quite a few arguments – the time and effort needed, would Singaporeans switch their lifestyle to these products, what if the network I build overnight collapse, etc. He gave good answers. Actually, one has very little reasons not go into it. Put it this way, this business is a passive one. One can choose to build it in one’s own time and target. Products are reasonable. So long as one has learned the techniques and skills to convince, the business can grow. Doesn’t sound difficult. The good thing is, I can still get to keep a full time job. I can run two things at the same time!

Ponders.

Think about it. What is the thing that will motivate me to run this business? Isn’t it all about money? Remembering, the love of money is the root of all evil. For the sake of money, I have to entertain and approach people with mixed motives. Let’s say I try to keep my motives pure, can I say I won’t be tempted by riches later on? Very hard to say… Another is to gain significance and recognition, and to help people achieve financial independence as well. This kind of significance and recognition, I want not. Not lasting. If God decides to rapture people tonight, there is no more significance to speak of!

In conclusion, seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness. All these others things shall then be given unto me.

New Year isn’t something I exactly look forward this year. What if they gonna ask the questions again, ‘how’s your studies?’, ‘did you get good results?’ Thank God no one pop that question. So, this year, it was just a session of catching up, being amused at little nephew, eating eating eating and of course the collecting angbao part.

I was especially delighted to meet and catch up with a Christian cousin whom I especially feel connected to. He is one enthusiastic, warm, friendly fellow who recently got married to his girlfriend. Somehow its more than coincidence that we always met each other, be it we used to work at the same location in Science Park, and I bump into him numerous times outside. He is from New Creation church and is serving as the children’s church teacher. I really think it’s a blessing to have this on-fire Christ follower around among the huge midst of relatives I have.

Besides that, I think it’s cool that my closer relatives are all so easy going, down-to-earth and funny. Makes new year much more endurable.

It’s really a small world when I got to know another relative was working at a job agency which I recently went over for an interview. We chatted a bit about the agency, and I got to know the difficulties she faced at work there as well. It seems everyone faced and have their fair share of stress be it at work or at school. I really hate to admit it, but my stress comes from having too much free time on hand, wanting to do something, but stuck.

Perhaps God has a different plan that He wants me to go. As He has promised to be a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path, this I shall believe. But at the same time, will I obey and will I be willing if He reveals?

Just finished the last few episodes of ANTM cycle 10. One thing that I am really impressed with is the contestants determination and desire to win the competition. But also, no matter how much optimism they try to have in themselves, some of the comments from the judges really stung. If I were in their shoes (thankfully I am not), I would probably be very crushed (my self-esteem).

Some thing I really see in Whitney (the one who won), is that she tries to remain strong but she is in fact very weak on the inside. It just shows up in the nervous laughter, in bad performances and in all sort of ways, and eventually when she broke down.

It is really alike to everyone of us, don’t we? We try to remain strong, but we are actually very much struggling on the inside?

Thank God that God promises He will strengthen us. And when we are weak, we can take heart and be strong in God.

Because of this, we don’t have to act confident, or try to put on a strong front, or just pretend everything is fine. If we are weak, if we fail, if we have regrets, just admit it and move on. And we don’t have to be perfect either. If things get foul up by us, get over with it.

As the saying goes, everyday is a brand new day to start with God.

P/s to myself: I must try to sleep early… Perhaps one of my new year resolution is to sleep early.

Where does my confidence lies? In the wisdom of man? In the traditions of man? In the security of wealth? In the security of man’s approval? In the security of a job? In the security of a good degree? In my own strengths and abilities? In my own wisdom?

It doesn’t take a long time to find out that all these doesn’t give confidence for long.
Time and again, I have to admit that I need God, really need God to give me the confidence in my life. Where else can I put my total trust and confidence in besides the Shepherd who will never harm me or let me down? That His throne of grace alone is the only source of avenue I can approach with confidence, knowing I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need. (Heb 4:16)

God alone knows how I am formed. He alone knows me inside out. So long as I trust in Him, I shall be fine.

I guess I’ve been dwelling a lot in my world of discouragement this week due to the rejections I got from the job interviews. So, the interviewer says I am under qualified to be a secretary. And I am not strategic in my career planning. And I am not selected to be a patient care associate. And I did not get the HR job in the end. And to make things worse, I got scolded and condemned terribly for not returning a call on time which I hesitated because I do not know how to reject politely.

Somehow, I really got a bit depressed. Many times I asked myself, what would it have been had I just remain working in the lab. Maybe I’ll get a very stable job, washing test tubes and preparing agar plates everyday, walking around in white lab coat, looking like a nutty professor. Maybe I’ll always get that ‘wow, you are a laboratory scientist’ impressed look everytime I tell others about my career. But, do people know that a lab technician is a boring job? It is not only technically boring, it is intellectually challenging, and it will make me aged 10 years in a year’s time. From the handful of my Poly school mates who didn’t make it to become Lab Tech today, I guess I really didn’t make a wrong choice. And from the many complains of those who did become Lab Tech today, I am even more sure my choice is right. Anyway, even if I did get into a Lab Tech job today, my pay would have been meager for most of my life as I won’t be able to move up the Laboratory organization ladder as I don’t have the capabilities to go into the detailed study of Life Science, as compared to the Masters and PhD holders of most of the scientists in the field.

Or, did I? Or maybe I could try harder? I don’t know. But I don’t really have the passion to go into the nitty gritty details of the research of Life Science.

I want to go into an exciting world of events coordination, exhibition, or tourism or anything that is more happening than a lab-based job whereby I can predict how my life will turn out 24/7. I know many are condemning my decision. But I cannot be unsure of my decision. Even though the whole world don’t like my decision, I have to like my decision. Because this is my decision.

Fine! I like my decision, and I will still stick to my decision.

May all the negative thoughts flee from me this very moment!